~Reflections~
I was reading last night in my book about beauty! I started doing the chapter 3 series study questions. A few of the questions are as follows:
. What is beauty in your eyes?
. What is a perfect women?
. What does the Lord see as beautiful and how does your opinion compare to it?
. Do you compare yourself to other women, like how you measure up?
The questions went on and on. So, take the time and ponder those questions that I have presented to you. Seriously, take time to sit back, ponder, and acknowledge what and how you truly feel and think.
I realize that beauty is much more then skin deep! I always have! My dad use to tell me, yes your beautiful, but have something to back that beauty up! Don’t just be pretty.
Beauty to me is the total package! Beauty lies within a person and on the outside as well, but as we age the external beauty fades, slowly but surely. However, the internal beauty, the beauty of our heart and character lasts a lifetime.
It’s funny; God is NOT impressed w/ a perfect figure, beautiful eyes, smile, hair, teeth, clothes, style, or anything on the outside! He is more impressed and proud of a woman that has a pure heart, which is kind and pure! Now, how do you match up to his view?
See, I think the perfect woman is a woman that is wise, loving, and kind. A woman that can show her weakness as well as her strength is beautiful to me! A woman that is a good mother, sister, best friend, wife, girl friend is perfect to me, beautiful! How about the women who do it all and still manage to hold it together-I honor that and respect it in the utmost! Honestly, if you look a women who is a mother, a wife, and employee, sister, best friend, and she still has time, love, and kindness to share w/ her mate, children, family, friends, and then at the end of it all tries to give herself a little down time, that’s beauty and that is perfection in my sight!
When you are all alone with no one except for yourself and thoughts how do you see yourself? I pondered this last night and this morning.
When I stand in front of the mirror and see myself-I see my flaws! I do not see my strengths! I see my tummy, my small breast, my not so perfect teeth, and let’s not mention the baby fine hair or the dark spots on my chin! I see all of my flaws; it’s as if they are amplified.
Now, answer this-how many times do we stand in front of the mirror and look beyond the exterior? Most women do a physical outwardly type self up keep: hair, manicure, pedicure, eyebrow arching, facials, but how many times do we do maintain of our heart? How many times do we stop and say, is my heart on point? Are my thoughts of others and myself on point? How does the Lord see me heart? Is there un-forgiveness, jealousy, envy, bitterness, hurt or pain that is dwelling in our heart? Have we been cruel to anyone that means a lot to us? Have we told people that we love, that in fact we love them? How beautiful is your heart? Have you gave anyone an encouraging word or smile or how about a hug? Again, I ask-how beautiful is your heart?
What is the point of being physically beautiful if your insides are ugly and rotten! It means NOTHING!
I realize now that by living in this world our perceptions on beauty are ruled by our society, not by God. We are to be transformed by the renewal of our mind and not be conformed to this world and age! The truth is that most of us are so, so, conformed to this world! I am guilty to the fullest in this spectrum!
I get caught up on the outside, much more then being caught up on the inside! I know that I am NOT the only person guilty of this!
For the majority of my life I have been that girl that had such a pretty face, but was chunky! I was the biggest one out of my friends, I was the one that never got any attention from guys when we went out, I was referred to as being pleasantly plump! Case in point-I was that cute fat girl for the majority of my life. My weight was a yo-yo, up and down, up and down. Finally, when the weight did come off, it was as if I were a butterfly finally breaking out of a cocoon!
I was no longer the fat girl and I got more attention the most of my friends did! Yes, I know what it’s like to be on both sides of the road, the fat girl versus the fit girl. At one point in my life, I had reached the point that I felt I could have anyone-and for the most part, I really could. I got exactly who I wanted and lived to pay for it.
I stayed w/ a man for over 4 years! I gave him my youth, 22 years old, and finally I was at a place of self confidence, love, and appreciation for myself and I allowed him to take away what God had given me! Yes, he took my confidence, pride, value, kindness, joy, my smile, the sound of my laughter, and external beauty away. I allowed his insecurity to eat me up and pull me apart. I exchanged laughter and joy for tears and depression! I gave up family and friends for a man who didn’t appreciate and ended up giving me a headache, broken heart and almost a nervous breakdown. There were days where I looked in the mirror and I wondered; how is this that is looking at me? So smart, yet so stupid! So strong, but so weak! You are living in hell! Smiling on the outside, keeping it all together, but everything was breaking at the seams from the inside-including me.
I was so nervous, in a complete state of depression and confusion that my skin looked like small ant hills! I was nervous! I was hurting, I went through more then any girl my age should’ve went through. At the beginning, I knew my worth and who I was and at the end-all I knew was that I wanted to be home with my family and far away from him. I lost all I had gained, in every aspect of the word!
The whole point of this story of this man and me is this; never let the world or a man or women determine your worth! If he builds you up, that’s okay, but do NOT let him by any means break you down or make you feel like your ugly in any way shape or form! You are beautiful; you are created in God’s perfect image! God makes no mistakes! Remember that! So you being here, on this earth, even just reading this is no mistake! Love yourself and be grateful for who you are and ask the Lord to change you from THE INSIDE OUT, NOT THE OUTSIDE IN! That was my prayer this morning; allow my insides to be beautiful in your sight! If there is anything ugly, remove it or bring it to my knowledge so I can correct it.
Now at the ripe age of 28 I can look at myself some days and appreciate it! I’m still growing day by day! My idea of beauty now is much different then in my early 20’s. I value different things now, then I did then and I’m sure when I’m 38, I will look back at my view of beauty, at 28 and laugh. It’s okay, that’s what growing up and maturing is all about!
My last word:
I don’t think there is anything wrong with wanting to be beautiful on the outside. I don’t think that it displeases the Lord to see women want to look good for themselves or husbands or just their significant other! I think he is pleased w/ the fact that you do care about your body to train it and want to eat healthy. However, I think was displeases him is when we bash ourselves about our flaws or what we think are flaws. Stop and think, he created us, if we beat ourselves up; it’s like chewing out the chef who made your dinner! Not a good feeling!! That hurts him! Love yourself where you are and strive to become a better you, not a better me or someone one TV, but a better you, but please, start this process from the inside out! Start examining your heart and motives as much as your meals and calorie expenditure! It’s more important! If we give the Lord his time, he will do things for us! I believe that! Lastly, do not let this world’s definition of beauty be yours, because you will be misled and hurt for the rest of your life! TV is make-believe, magazines are airbrushed, real wear are NOT all a size 4! Everyone women does not have perky breast or perfect hair, etc! Love you for who you are! See yourself the way that God sees you, not how this world sees you!
Tuesday, July 22, 2008
Monday, July 21, 2008
Big G versus little g and idolatry?!!
Big G versus little g and idolatry?!
I could sit here and write a blog in a singy-songy, cookie cutter type format, but I decline to do that. I’m going to share something with you that’s nothing short then a blessing, revelation and a sad truth. However, I feel that by sharing this I will be blessing someone with understanding that I was quite ignorant to if it weren’t for the wonderful gift of the Holy Spirit.
The fact of the matter is that I always knew I had issues with compulsive over eating and emotional eating. I never really paid it any mind. I just thought that was issue to deal with. There was a time that I was very embarrassed about it and ashamed. I never talked about it or shared it with anyone. I merely just sat and binged in my own personal hell, me and all the sweets that I could stuff in my mouth. I would eat to the point of being sick to my stomach or over dosing on sugar. That was my drug of choice! Sugar, candy, brownies, cake, cookies, anything sweet-I devoured it and went crazy. I would wake up in the middle of the night and stuff my face and then lay down in pure disgust! It was my dirty little secret. I’d stuff candy bars down my mouth in the car, because I was scared or embarrassed that someone would catch me or say, you’re going to get fat if you eat that! It was my secret and my secret alone. This has been my issue since I was a child!
However, in the past few weeks it hit me really hard again. I was like an addict. I would go on bouts w/ no sugar and be fine and then out of no where, I’d fall so far off the wagon that I just hated myself and what I did. I had been doing extremely well these past few weeks and was so proud of myself, well it happened again.
I fell off the wagon and when I fell this time, I hit the ground extremely hard. Enough was enough. I have been in a bad mood and I do believe this was the root of most of it!
This past week, I found a book on christanbook.com, Love to eat, hate to eat. I purchased it and started reading it Saturday evening!
This book was a blessing and brought many, many things to light! I know that the Holy Spirit led me to purchase it.
So, what’s the big revelation you ask?! Let me tell you, be forewarned-if you’re anything like me, it’s not nice but it’s the truth. The truth hurts sometimes.
I realize that I am glutton! Yeah, Ms. I have to run to the gym, 6 days a week, eat perfect 7 days, and keep a nice figure is a glutton! I suffer from gluttony! Now, do you realize what gluttony is? A glutton is the equivalent to an alcoholic! I eat in excess, I eat and eat and eat just because, like an alcoholic drinks! It was an addiction (I say was, because I’m NOT claiming it anymore).
This book showed me not only that I suffered from gluttony, but I was also breaking so many of the Lord’s sacred commandants! I was suffering from idolatry! Yeah! Imagine that! How so? Thou shall have NO other god’s before me! For the most part, I never thought I was putting anything or anyone before the Lord! If someone had told me this, I would have verbally blasted them while standing on Mount Greater then thou! However, when the Holy Spirit lays conviction upon your heart it’s a feeling that you can NOT deny let alone run from! Run if you want, but it will surely find you and keep convicting you!
I was practicing idolatry with food and the gym. See, instead of the Lord being the beginning and ending of my day, food was! Food controlled me and everything in my life! If I ate well, I had a good day! If I ate well, I felt like I was reaching my goals! If I ate badly, I felt bad and beat myself up! I was worshiping food, not the creator of the food! Food was the god in my life (that’s little g number 1). The gym is little g number 2.
Everything in my life came 2nd to going to the gym. NO one or anything cut into that gym time! Now, that is good but bad, good if it’s just a mere mortal but bad when you put the gym before the Lord! If it wasn’t for the Lord, I wouldn’t have money to pay for the gym! If it weren’t from him, I wouldn’t have the passion, desire, or love for the gym! He is pleased by that, because he has placed that desire and passion in my heart, however what he is disappointed in is that I put the gym before him! That is what he dislikes! The gym was my god! I never, ever, ever, realized that! I thought by whole heartedly praying and praising him I was placing him first! False: faith w/out works is dead. I had faith but my works (which should’ve been going to church on Sunday morning) were non existent!
The Lord truly opened my eyes to my own religion that I had started and didn’t have sense on how to realize it! Let me tell you something, there is nothing wrong with eating clean, working out, reading books and magazines about the gym! There is nothing wrong with wanting to be healthy and look good and feel good about you! You have to love yourself! It’s a commandment, Love your neighbor as yourself! So, if you don’t truly love you, you can’t love someone else! However, when the battle of the bulge rules you and everything in your life-there is a problem! I realized that! I had to honestly sit back and think and ponder that idea. My whole life, weight has been my issue!
I’m to fat, I’m not pretty, and guys don’t like fat girls! Uh-oh, my weight went up 2lbs! I can’t eat that, I’ll be fat! If I eat this, I can’t eat for the rest of the day! I have to go to the gym everyday, if I don’t surely the world will look and say I’m a slob! Yeah, everything in my life has been about me and my waist or lack there of! No matter how small I have got I was NEVER satisfied. See, I read that our little gods are never satisfied, they have an insatiable hunger and desire to rule our lives and that’s what happened to me!
After reading this book, I realize that food was more then a stronghold in my life, it was my life! I realize now that food and my weight were both strongholds over me! I realize now that this is displeasing to the Lord!
We are to glorify him in all things and that means the way that we eat as well! Being a glutton, bulimic, or anorexic is not glorifying him! Do you realize that we are killing ourselves! Thou shall not murder! We are killing ourselves and our bodies, his temple, by these crazy shanagans with our eating! Our compulsion to be a certain size, shape, or way-it’s displeasing to him! You have to love yourself where you are right now today and try to get better, but start from the inside and work your way out! Stop the insanity! I’m saying this and I am about the most insane about this! Stop, look, and listen, not to me, but to the Lord!
I realize now that I don’t have to live like this! Sin is NOT the master over me and I realize that my eating habits will change w/ his guidance, strength and wisdom. I know that this is my cross to carry forever! I will never be ‘cured’ per se, but I know that I am delivered and I am claiming that and walking w/ that attitude!
My outlook on food has changed in about 2 days from reading this book and the Holy Spirit and this is something I have tried to change alone for over 18 years. Now, you see the difference in trying to change alone versus a revelation and conviction from the Holy Spirit? What took me 18 years to change, the Lord has changed it in about 2 days! I know that everyday will not be perfect and I will fall, but I refuse to live a life in bondage to food, the gym, the scale, my weight-anything of that nature! Sin is not the master over me (2 Timothy). I say that to myself over and over and over!
The book I read gives, steps and a plan to control your eating and eat in a fashion that is pleasing to him! It’s wonderful and I am still learning the principals and I plan to learn, memorize, and exemplify them in the utmost! I realize now that eating a brownie is NOT a sin (sin to man, but not to God), the sin lies in the lust for that brownie, the sin is the bondage that, that brownie has over me, the sin is that, that one brownie will cause me to go completely buck wild and binge till I become sick! THOSE ARE THE SINS! We as Christan people are to have self-control, self-discipline! Where is the self control in compulsive eating? When is God’s glory in eating out of emotion?
Yes, I suffer from emotional eating as well. So, tell me, how is God glorified or magnified if I’m running to ben and jerry over him and his word? Where is his glory in that? Where is the glory if I run to a bar of candy, box of cookies, brownies? God gets nothing, but my little g gets everything! How sad!
I realize this now, I don’t think he held me accountable for my own personal self made religion or idols before, because I truly, truly had no clue what I was doing. However, from this point on out, I will be held accountable if I continue down this path and if I do NOT share the knowledge that I have! I am passing it on! I don’t want anyone to go through what I did or feel stuck! He can help you, I promise! He can help if you open your heart to him and ask him to step in and intercede, because that is what I had to do. I had to get so tired of being tired of the bringing cycle that I had to fall on my knees in tears and literally cry out, HELP ME! HELP BE GET CONTROL, I CAN NOT STOP DOING THIS! Imagine, falling to your knees in tears crying and begging for God to help you w/ eating?! I did it and I did it for a few days and I told him, Lord, I’m not going to stop hounding you till you pull me out, open my eyes, deliver me, something, but if I have to wrestle w/ you till sun up-I’ll do it! I’m not going to leave you alone! Help me! You say, you’ll never leave me or forsake me! Show up! Show me a way out of this black abyss, because God I can’t see it and I can not live like this!
Yes friends, he showed up and made himself known and yes, he gave me the revelation and tools I needed to open my eyes and deliver me! It took a few days, but man, I feel like a million bucks again. I feel good, I feel free.
I saw a tub of gummi bears on my buddies desk, I thought about it and I thought about God and I said, sin is NOT the master over me! I realize a handful of that stuff, would’ve caused a binge. I passed and I feel good. I feel okay.
So, on that note, be blessed and keep your priorities straight. If you would like info on the book, please let me know and I would be more then happy to share it w/ you!
I could sit here and write a blog in a singy-songy, cookie cutter type format, but I decline to do that. I’m going to share something with you that’s nothing short then a blessing, revelation and a sad truth. However, I feel that by sharing this I will be blessing someone with understanding that I was quite ignorant to if it weren’t for the wonderful gift of the Holy Spirit.
The fact of the matter is that I always knew I had issues with compulsive over eating and emotional eating. I never really paid it any mind. I just thought that was issue to deal with. There was a time that I was very embarrassed about it and ashamed. I never talked about it or shared it with anyone. I merely just sat and binged in my own personal hell, me and all the sweets that I could stuff in my mouth. I would eat to the point of being sick to my stomach or over dosing on sugar. That was my drug of choice! Sugar, candy, brownies, cake, cookies, anything sweet-I devoured it and went crazy. I would wake up in the middle of the night and stuff my face and then lay down in pure disgust! It was my dirty little secret. I’d stuff candy bars down my mouth in the car, because I was scared or embarrassed that someone would catch me or say, you’re going to get fat if you eat that! It was my secret and my secret alone. This has been my issue since I was a child!
However, in the past few weeks it hit me really hard again. I was like an addict. I would go on bouts w/ no sugar and be fine and then out of no where, I’d fall so far off the wagon that I just hated myself and what I did. I had been doing extremely well these past few weeks and was so proud of myself, well it happened again.
I fell off the wagon and when I fell this time, I hit the ground extremely hard. Enough was enough. I have been in a bad mood and I do believe this was the root of most of it!
This past week, I found a book on christanbook.com, Love to eat, hate to eat. I purchased it and started reading it Saturday evening!
This book was a blessing and brought many, many things to light! I know that the Holy Spirit led me to purchase it.
So, what’s the big revelation you ask?! Let me tell you, be forewarned-if you’re anything like me, it’s not nice but it’s the truth. The truth hurts sometimes.
I realize that I am glutton! Yeah, Ms. I have to run to the gym, 6 days a week, eat perfect 7 days, and keep a nice figure is a glutton! I suffer from gluttony! Now, do you realize what gluttony is? A glutton is the equivalent to an alcoholic! I eat in excess, I eat and eat and eat just because, like an alcoholic drinks! It was an addiction (I say was, because I’m NOT claiming it anymore).
This book showed me not only that I suffered from gluttony, but I was also breaking so many of the Lord’s sacred commandants! I was suffering from idolatry! Yeah! Imagine that! How so? Thou shall have NO other god’s before me! For the most part, I never thought I was putting anything or anyone before the Lord! If someone had told me this, I would have verbally blasted them while standing on Mount Greater then thou! However, when the Holy Spirit lays conviction upon your heart it’s a feeling that you can NOT deny let alone run from! Run if you want, but it will surely find you and keep convicting you!
I was practicing idolatry with food and the gym. See, instead of the Lord being the beginning and ending of my day, food was! Food controlled me and everything in my life! If I ate well, I had a good day! If I ate well, I felt like I was reaching my goals! If I ate badly, I felt bad and beat myself up! I was worshiping food, not the creator of the food! Food was the god in my life (that’s little g number 1). The gym is little g number 2.
Everything in my life came 2nd to going to the gym. NO one or anything cut into that gym time! Now, that is good but bad, good if it’s just a mere mortal but bad when you put the gym before the Lord! If it wasn’t for the Lord, I wouldn’t have money to pay for the gym! If it weren’t from him, I wouldn’t have the passion, desire, or love for the gym! He is pleased by that, because he has placed that desire and passion in my heart, however what he is disappointed in is that I put the gym before him! That is what he dislikes! The gym was my god! I never, ever, ever, realized that! I thought by whole heartedly praying and praising him I was placing him first! False: faith w/out works is dead. I had faith but my works (which should’ve been going to church on Sunday morning) were non existent!
The Lord truly opened my eyes to my own religion that I had started and didn’t have sense on how to realize it! Let me tell you something, there is nothing wrong with eating clean, working out, reading books and magazines about the gym! There is nothing wrong with wanting to be healthy and look good and feel good about you! You have to love yourself! It’s a commandment, Love your neighbor as yourself! So, if you don’t truly love you, you can’t love someone else! However, when the battle of the bulge rules you and everything in your life-there is a problem! I realized that! I had to honestly sit back and think and ponder that idea. My whole life, weight has been my issue!
I’m to fat, I’m not pretty, and guys don’t like fat girls! Uh-oh, my weight went up 2lbs! I can’t eat that, I’ll be fat! If I eat this, I can’t eat for the rest of the day! I have to go to the gym everyday, if I don’t surely the world will look and say I’m a slob! Yeah, everything in my life has been about me and my waist or lack there of! No matter how small I have got I was NEVER satisfied. See, I read that our little gods are never satisfied, they have an insatiable hunger and desire to rule our lives and that’s what happened to me!
After reading this book, I realize that food was more then a stronghold in my life, it was my life! I realize now that food and my weight were both strongholds over me! I realize now that this is displeasing to the Lord!
We are to glorify him in all things and that means the way that we eat as well! Being a glutton, bulimic, or anorexic is not glorifying him! Do you realize that we are killing ourselves! Thou shall not murder! We are killing ourselves and our bodies, his temple, by these crazy shanagans with our eating! Our compulsion to be a certain size, shape, or way-it’s displeasing to him! You have to love yourself where you are right now today and try to get better, but start from the inside and work your way out! Stop the insanity! I’m saying this and I am about the most insane about this! Stop, look, and listen, not to me, but to the Lord!
I realize now that I don’t have to live like this! Sin is NOT the master over me and I realize that my eating habits will change w/ his guidance, strength and wisdom. I know that this is my cross to carry forever! I will never be ‘cured’ per se, but I know that I am delivered and I am claiming that and walking w/ that attitude!
My outlook on food has changed in about 2 days from reading this book and the Holy Spirit and this is something I have tried to change alone for over 18 years. Now, you see the difference in trying to change alone versus a revelation and conviction from the Holy Spirit? What took me 18 years to change, the Lord has changed it in about 2 days! I know that everyday will not be perfect and I will fall, but I refuse to live a life in bondage to food, the gym, the scale, my weight-anything of that nature! Sin is not the master over me (2 Timothy). I say that to myself over and over and over!
The book I read gives, steps and a plan to control your eating and eat in a fashion that is pleasing to him! It’s wonderful and I am still learning the principals and I plan to learn, memorize, and exemplify them in the utmost! I realize now that eating a brownie is NOT a sin (sin to man, but not to God), the sin lies in the lust for that brownie, the sin is the bondage that, that brownie has over me, the sin is that, that one brownie will cause me to go completely buck wild and binge till I become sick! THOSE ARE THE SINS! We as Christan people are to have self-control, self-discipline! Where is the self control in compulsive eating? When is God’s glory in eating out of emotion?
Yes, I suffer from emotional eating as well. So, tell me, how is God glorified or magnified if I’m running to ben and jerry over him and his word? Where is his glory in that? Where is the glory if I run to a bar of candy, box of cookies, brownies? God gets nothing, but my little g gets everything! How sad!
I realize this now, I don’t think he held me accountable for my own personal self made religion or idols before, because I truly, truly had no clue what I was doing. However, from this point on out, I will be held accountable if I continue down this path and if I do NOT share the knowledge that I have! I am passing it on! I don’t want anyone to go through what I did or feel stuck! He can help you, I promise! He can help if you open your heart to him and ask him to step in and intercede, because that is what I had to do. I had to get so tired of being tired of the bringing cycle that I had to fall on my knees in tears and literally cry out, HELP ME! HELP BE GET CONTROL, I CAN NOT STOP DOING THIS! Imagine, falling to your knees in tears crying and begging for God to help you w/ eating?! I did it and I did it for a few days and I told him, Lord, I’m not going to stop hounding you till you pull me out, open my eyes, deliver me, something, but if I have to wrestle w/ you till sun up-I’ll do it! I’m not going to leave you alone! Help me! You say, you’ll never leave me or forsake me! Show up! Show me a way out of this black abyss, because God I can’t see it and I can not live like this!
Yes friends, he showed up and made himself known and yes, he gave me the revelation and tools I needed to open my eyes and deliver me! It took a few days, but man, I feel like a million bucks again. I feel good, I feel free.
I saw a tub of gummi bears on my buddies desk, I thought about it and I thought about God and I said, sin is NOT the master over me! I realize a handful of that stuff, would’ve caused a binge. I passed and I feel good. I feel okay.
So, on that note, be blessed and keep your priorities straight. If you would like info on the book, please let me know and I would be more then happy to share it w/ you!
Saturday, July 19, 2008
Set me free -Casting Crowns
Set Me Free
It hasn’t always been this way,I remember brighter days
Before the dark ones came, Stole my mind, Wrapped my soul in chains
Now I live among the dead, Fighting voices in my head, Hoping someone hears me crying in the night And carries me away
Set me free of the chains holding me, Is anybody out there hearing me? Set me free
Morning breaks another day, Finds me crying in the rain, All alone with my demons I am,
Who is this man that comes my way? The dark ones shriek
They scream His name
Is this the One they say will set the captives free?
Jesus, rescue me
As the God man passes by ,He looks straight through my eyes, And darkness cannot hide
Do you want to be free?Lift your chainsI hold the keyAll power on Heav’n and Earth belong to me
You are free, You are free, You are free (Casting Crowns-Lifesong album)
It hasn’t always been this way,I remember brighter days
Before the dark ones came, Stole my mind, Wrapped my soul in chains
Now I live among the dead, Fighting voices in my head, Hoping someone hears me crying in the night And carries me away
Set me free of the chains holding me, Is anybody out there hearing me? Set me free
Morning breaks another day, Finds me crying in the rain, All alone with my demons I am,
Who is this man that comes my way? The dark ones shriek
They scream His name
Is this the One they say will set the captives free?
Jesus, rescue me
As the God man passes by ,He looks straight through my eyes, And darkness cannot hide
Do you want to be free?Lift your chainsI hold the keyAll power on Heav’n and Earth belong to me
You are free, You are free, You are free (Casting Crowns-Lifesong album)
Thursday, July 17, 2008
Cast your cares!
~Casting all of your cares on HIM~
Cast all your anxiety on Him because He cares for you (I Peter 5:7)
In my previous blogs that I wrote, I’m sure I explained to some detail that I have been a bit stressed out lately. I was so mentally and emotionally drained that I believed everyone had a secret vendetta against me!
Today was yet another day of interesting tid-bits. My day started off as normal and was pretty normal for the most part. I’m going to step out on a limb and admit how BAD my eating regime has been! I mean, it has been a hopeless hiatus of junk! Whoa is me! Not only have I been eating junk, but I have been resting a bit from the gym. Work is work, some days are hard, some are great! Today was there was a happy medium of good and not so good!
I sat at my desk this morning-happy to eat clean only to find out I had NO sugar free jelly! I was not pleased! So, I decided I’ll order breakfast! I ordered breakfast and ended up shooting the bill for 2 other people! No big deal, I offered, they are very good friends! I actually insisted! So, I eat my omelet and hash browns and toss the toast! Okay, fast forward. I felt a bit ‘stuffed’. So, in the mixed of feeling like a stuffed animal-my boss moves his desk next to mine! I was not a happy camper and automatically went into ‘wilderness’ mode! Yes, on the outside I was rolling my eyes on the inside, all I could say was why? Great! There goes my personal p.c. time! I went on and on! I even went as far as emailing a friend and verbalizing my complainants! Shame on me!
So, I remembered the podcast that I had listened to yesterday and this morning! They were both about prayer and petition! I finally shut my trap and started to say, Thank you Lord for allowing me to be in an area I like! Thank you for allowing my desk to be moved! I just thanked him in advance! (now, keep in mind, I have a great boss-but no one wants to sit right next to them! That’s like sitting right next to the teacher! The teacher might be great, but you still don’t want to be right next to her!)
So when all was said and done, not only do they move my physical desk, but I was told that I would be assisting other people and not assisting the original person that I was assigned to! That was bitter sweet for a number of reasons! However, in the long run I think it will all work out!
So, today-I realized that my anxieties have been getting the best of me! A lot of times, we carry our cares, and do NOT cast them upon him! I think that beyond that problem-its not just about casting your cares upon the Lord, but HOW do you cast them on him!
I’ve been pondering this for the past few hours-Lord, how I cast my cares upon you? I know you love me, I know you care. I know that I say I cast ‘em on you, but inside, deep, deep down inside-my heart is NOT as ease so that lets me know, you have not cast your care on him!
I realize that a lot of times, you have to go somewhere and get quiet! Take each situation, verbalize it internally and truly just surrender it to him-Just tell him, Lord it’s yours! As of right now, at this time-I’m giving it to YOU, because I can not worry or be anxious about it! Help bring me ease-because I am lacking right now! A lot of times that’s how the enemy gets us, worry! I have been worried and stressed all day!!
I was worried about the way I had been eating, the whole desk move, then changing the people that I work w/, and add to that the loan company says that my payment was NOT received and this is the only time I didn’t print the confirmation! Worry, worry, worry! My head got to the point that it was POUNDING! I still have a migraine headache. Now, if I had just gave it to him when things started to get crazy, I probably would be fine, but considering that I wanted to worry and complain, my head hurts, I’m bloated, and I feel a bit on edge!
I have had a terrible week eating wise! My workouts have been okay! I am not going to beat myself up for resting-because I needed that rest! However, I did go overboard w/ my eating. I didn’t have to go as wild as I did! Now, I am reaping what I sowed! I sowed bad seeds by eating all of that garbage and now a direct repercussion of that is being bloated, lethargic, tired, and having a migraine headache! It’s not fun! It could’ve been avoided!
The Lord is still dealing w/ me on binge eating and emotional eating. I know that the reason I had the sweets that I did was out of pure emotion! I was stressed and I ran to the candy tub that was calling my name! (Now, talking candy jars will be another blog!)
However, the point of this blog is this-avoid the type of day that I have had thus far! How can it be avoided, by simply taking a few minutes of silence and just surrendering it to God and refusing to think, ponder, reason, wonder, or worry about it! Honestly, set it and forget it! Set it up with the King and forget it! let him do his thing and you do yours! I need to practice what I preach! I want you all to know-everyday is not great and I don’t always feel like Miss.merry sunshine! I have my good days and bad days like the next person and there are days that I feel lazy and fat and there are days that I feel like it’s impossible to reach my goals! Trust me, I relate more to you then you can ever imagine!
So, today when you have a chance-take the time to cast your cares upon him, because he cares for you!
Cast all your anxiety on Him because He cares for you (I Peter 5:7)
Cast all your anxiety on Him because He cares for you (I Peter 5:7)
In my previous blogs that I wrote, I’m sure I explained to some detail that I have been a bit stressed out lately. I was so mentally and emotionally drained that I believed everyone had a secret vendetta against me!
Today was yet another day of interesting tid-bits. My day started off as normal and was pretty normal for the most part. I’m going to step out on a limb and admit how BAD my eating regime has been! I mean, it has been a hopeless hiatus of junk! Whoa is me! Not only have I been eating junk, but I have been resting a bit from the gym. Work is work, some days are hard, some are great! Today was there was a happy medium of good and not so good!
I sat at my desk this morning-happy to eat clean only to find out I had NO sugar free jelly! I was not pleased! So, I decided I’ll order breakfast! I ordered breakfast and ended up shooting the bill for 2 other people! No big deal, I offered, they are very good friends! I actually insisted! So, I eat my omelet and hash browns and toss the toast! Okay, fast forward. I felt a bit ‘stuffed’. So, in the mixed of feeling like a stuffed animal-my boss moves his desk next to mine! I was not a happy camper and automatically went into ‘wilderness’ mode! Yes, on the outside I was rolling my eyes on the inside, all I could say was why? Great! There goes my personal p.c. time! I went on and on! I even went as far as emailing a friend and verbalizing my complainants! Shame on me!
So, I remembered the podcast that I had listened to yesterday and this morning! They were both about prayer and petition! I finally shut my trap and started to say, Thank you Lord for allowing me to be in an area I like! Thank you for allowing my desk to be moved! I just thanked him in advance! (now, keep in mind, I have a great boss-but no one wants to sit right next to them! That’s like sitting right next to the teacher! The teacher might be great, but you still don’t want to be right next to her!)
So when all was said and done, not only do they move my physical desk, but I was told that I would be assisting other people and not assisting the original person that I was assigned to! That was bitter sweet for a number of reasons! However, in the long run I think it will all work out!
So, today-I realized that my anxieties have been getting the best of me! A lot of times, we carry our cares, and do NOT cast them upon him! I think that beyond that problem-its not just about casting your cares upon the Lord, but HOW do you cast them on him!
I’ve been pondering this for the past few hours-Lord, how I cast my cares upon you? I know you love me, I know you care. I know that I say I cast ‘em on you, but inside, deep, deep down inside-my heart is NOT as ease so that lets me know, you have not cast your care on him!
I realize that a lot of times, you have to go somewhere and get quiet! Take each situation, verbalize it internally and truly just surrender it to him-Just tell him, Lord it’s yours! As of right now, at this time-I’m giving it to YOU, because I can not worry or be anxious about it! Help bring me ease-because I am lacking right now! A lot of times that’s how the enemy gets us, worry! I have been worried and stressed all day!!
I was worried about the way I had been eating, the whole desk move, then changing the people that I work w/, and add to that the loan company says that my payment was NOT received and this is the only time I didn’t print the confirmation! Worry, worry, worry! My head got to the point that it was POUNDING! I still have a migraine headache. Now, if I had just gave it to him when things started to get crazy, I probably would be fine, but considering that I wanted to worry and complain, my head hurts, I’m bloated, and I feel a bit on edge!
I have had a terrible week eating wise! My workouts have been okay! I am not going to beat myself up for resting-because I needed that rest! However, I did go overboard w/ my eating. I didn’t have to go as wild as I did! Now, I am reaping what I sowed! I sowed bad seeds by eating all of that garbage and now a direct repercussion of that is being bloated, lethargic, tired, and having a migraine headache! It’s not fun! It could’ve been avoided!
The Lord is still dealing w/ me on binge eating and emotional eating. I know that the reason I had the sweets that I did was out of pure emotion! I was stressed and I ran to the candy tub that was calling my name! (Now, talking candy jars will be another blog!)
However, the point of this blog is this-avoid the type of day that I have had thus far! How can it be avoided, by simply taking a few minutes of silence and just surrendering it to God and refusing to think, ponder, reason, wonder, or worry about it! Honestly, set it and forget it! Set it up with the King and forget it! let him do his thing and you do yours! I need to practice what I preach! I want you all to know-everyday is not great and I don’t always feel like Miss.merry sunshine! I have my good days and bad days like the next person and there are days that I feel lazy and fat and there are days that I feel like it’s impossible to reach my goals! Trust me, I relate more to you then you can ever imagine!
So, today when you have a chance-take the time to cast your cares upon him, because he cares for you!
Cast all your anxiety on Him because He cares for you (I Peter 5:7)
Wednesday, July 16, 2008
Trust in the LORD!
Trust in the Lord with all your heart, lean not on your own understanding. In all ways acknowledge him and he will direct your path. (Proverbs 3:5-6)
I use to read this verse and relish in it, just because I liked the way it sounded. It was music to my ears. However, faith without works is dead. So, I had faith that this verse was true, but nothing to back it up, so to say.
So, these past few days have been very trying for me mentally, physically, and emotionally. A roller coaster! I went from eating good, eating bad, great workouts to no workouts, extreme exhaustion and the innate ability to control my emotions. Yes, it’s been a hellish week! One extreme to the very next extreme!
So, what has been my beef? I wanted to compete! I felt in my heart that I would do well! I know that I have the potential! There were things that I didn’t take into consideration, the first thing being my work schedule! I work 10 hours a day, 5 days a week. My days are long and busy. Physically I can not do the things I have to! I can not survive on 6 hours of sleep a night. I realize that now! I am NOT superwomen, I am 1 one women, with one mind, body, and soul! The same way my soul gets weary, my body gets weary, and the same way mind gets tired, so does the rest of me!
I was waking up at 4am exercising, going to work, then back to the gym from anywhere from 1-1.5hr a day! I was tired, in every sense of the word, but I wouldn’t give up. I noticed that the more tired I was the more my body craved sweets and starch! I don’t believe this was a coincidence, I believe that this came directly from my lack of rest! Yes, I had a binge, it was NOT a good thing, but I did it! I also rested for the past 2 days and I feel great today.
Yes, I had pizza on a day that was NOT considered to be free. I had one piece, put the rest in the freezer and today-I’m back to normal, eating all protein as a means of detoxing! I’m excited and ready to go back to the gym today! I missed it, but I needed that rest, that down time to spend w/ my family, kick back and enjoy the weather, read, etc.
I realize now that competing will always be a goal and one day, I would love to do it, but for right now-I do not have time to invest in it and physically I can not do it, because it’s wearing me out in everyway. I have went from being sweet to being evil in a matter of weeks! It could be the lack of carbs, sleep, who knows! However, I wasn’t happy w/ the way that I felt! I was drained!
So, back to the scripture:
Trust in the Lord with all your heart, lean not on your own understanding, in all ways acknowledge him and he shall direct your path.
I realize now that my God knows me! He knows my strengths and weaknesses! He knows the talents he’s blessed me w/ and the talents that I lack! He knows me to a tee.
See, if I do NOT trust in the Lord and just go w/ what I know (pushing and pushing and pushing and never resting-I’m going to end up worse then when I started!)
So, I surrendered it to him! I can NO longer just lean on what I know-I have to put my trust in him and his wisdom! He knows my body better then me, why-because he made me! I’m his creation! I realize that now!
“in all ways acknowledge him and he shall direct your path.” Now, I have been acknowledging the Lord w/ my training and eating regime from the beginning of this ordeal, but I realize now that I have selective hearing.
I hear what I want and when I want. When I feel him say, “Heather, chill out today. Rest.” I say, oh no Lord! RENEW ME! YOU HAVE TO! And I’m sure he’s sitting up on high looking at me shaking his head, saying, did YOU not hear me say rest, chill out? Okay, I’ll let you have it your way and watch what happens! I did it my way and I was miserable, not just emotionally, but physically and mentally! I thought the world had a secret vendetta against me! (Here is another bit of advice-If the Lord always allows us to have our own way imagine the TROUBLE we would get ourselves into! Look out when you get your own way!)
I know now that I need to heed to the voice of the spirit and so do you-in regards to what you want to hear! What is the spirit saying and sharing w/ you?
I told the Lord, I enjoy eating my free meals! I enjoy my coffee w/ cream! I realize that it’s okay! it’s not what I do one day, it’s what I do everyday! I allow myself to enjoy my daily cup of joe, but everything else for the day is clean and on point! I enjoy my free meals and I should, but I also know that free meals should NOT be an everyday event! Period!
See, the Lord already gave us a way to eat and if we were to truly eat the way he intended, we would NOT be an obsese nation! I don’t add salt to anything, sauces, or really add anything. I keep my spices natural and use natural things to season my food and it’s great! It’s not easy, but it takes time!
So, here is my bit of advice:
Trust in the Lord and he will lead you to the exercise plan/regime and eating lifestyle that will work for you! YOU just have to trust him and be faithful! If he is faithful to us, when no one else is-why shouldn’t we be faithful to him? Have faith and trust that he will guide you to what works for YOUR body type! Ask him to place people of knowledge in your path and he will! Once he gives you a plan-stick with it! Make it a lifestyle change!
Record what you hear from the spirit! The Holy Spirit is our internal compass!!!! Why are we NOT following what he shares w/ us! (I’m guilty of this to!!) Remember God does not make suggestions-he gives truth and commandments! The bible doesn’t say, I think you can do all things through me-it says, YOU CAN DO ALL THINGS THROUGH CHRIST WHO STRENGTHENS YOU. (that is the truth!)
So, take the time to rest, eat clean, lift hard and heavy and above all else-be prayerful! Give him praise! ASK FOR AN ANSWER AND HELP! DO NOT LET UP! Be fervent w/ your prayer!
*Be healthy, be blessed*
I use to read this verse and relish in it, just because I liked the way it sounded. It was music to my ears. However, faith without works is dead. So, I had faith that this verse was true, but nothing to back it up, so to say.
So, these past few days have been very trying for me mentally, physically, and emotionally. A roller coaster! I went from eating good, eating bad, great workouts to no workouts, extreme exhaustion and the innate ability to control my emotions. Yes, it’s been a hellish week! One extreme to the very next extreme!
So, what has been my beef? I wanted to compete! I felt in my heart that I would do well! I know that I have the potential! There were things that I didn’t take into consideration, the first thing being my work schedule! I work 10 hours a day, 5 days a week. My days are long and busy. Physically I can not do the things I have to! I can not survive on 6 hours of sleep a night. I realize that now! I am NOT superwomen, I am 1 one women, with one mind, body, and soul! The same way my soul gets weary, my body gets weary, and the same way mind gets tired, so does the rest of me!
I was waking up at 4am exercising, going to work, then back to the gym from anywhere from 1-1.5hr a day! I was tired, in every sense of the word, but I wouldn’t give up. I noticed that the more tired I was the more my body craved sweets and starch! I don’t believe this was a coincidence, I believe that this came directly from my lack of rest! Yes, I had a binge, it was NOT a good thing, but I did it! I also rested for the past 2 days and I feel great today.
Yes, I had pizza on a day that was NOT considered to be free. I had one piece, put the rest in the freezer and today-I’m back to normal, eating all protein as a means of detoxing! I’m excited and ready to go back to the gym today! I missed it, but I needed that rest, that down time to spend w/ my family, kick back and enjoy the weather, read, etc.
I realize now that competing will always be a goal and one day, I would love to do it, but for right now-I do not have time to invest in it and physically I can not do it, because it’s wearing me out in everyway. I have went from being sweet to being evil in a matter of weeks! It could be the lack of carbs, sleep, who knows! However, I wasn’t happy w/ the way that I felt! I was drained!
So, back to the scripture:
Trust in the Lord with all your heart, lean not on your own understanding, in all ways acknowledge him and he shall direct your path.
I realize now that my God knows me! He knows my strengths and weaknesses! He knows the talents he’s blessed me w/ and the talents that I lack! He knows me to a tee.
See, if I do NOT trust in the Lord and just go w/ what I know (pushing and pushing and pushing and never resting-I’m going to end up worse then when I started!)
So, I surrendered it to him! I can NO longer just lean on what I know-I have to put my trust in him and his wisdom! He knows my body better then me, why-because he made me! I’m his creation! I realize that now!
“in all ways acknowledge him and he shall direct your path.” Now, I have been acknowledging the Lord w/ my training and eating regime from the beginning of this ordeal, but I realize now that I have selective hearing.
I hear what I want and when I want. When I feel him say, “Heather, chill out today. Rest.” I say, oh no Lord! RENEW ME! YOU HAVE TO! And I’m sure he’s sitting up on high looking at me shaking his head, saying, did YOU not hear me say rest, chill out? Okay, I’ll let you have it your way and watch what happens! I did it my way and I was miserable, not just emotionally, but physically and mentally! I thought the world had a secret vendetta against me! (Here is another bit of advice-If the Lord always allows us to have our own way imagine the TROUBLE we would get ourselves into! Look out when you get your own way!)
I know now that I need to heed to the voice of the spirit and so do you-in regards to what you want to hear! What is the spirit saying and sharing w/ you?
I told the Lord, I enjoy eating my free meals! I enjoy my coffee w/ cream! I realize that it’s okay! it’s not what I do one day, it’s what I do everyday! I allow myself to enjoy my daily cup of joe, but everything else for the day is clean and on point! I enjoy my free meals and I should, but I also know that free meals should NOT be an everyday event! Period!
See, the Lord already gave us a way to eat and if we were to truly eat the way he intended, we would NOT be an obsese nation! I don’t add salt to anything, sauces, or really add anything. I keep my spices natural and use natural things to season my food and it’s great! It’s not easy, but it takes time!
So, here is my bit of advice:
Trust in the Lord and he will lead you to the exercise plan/regime and eating lifestyle that will work for you! YOU just have to trust him and be faithful! If he is faithful to us, when no one else is-why shouldn’t we be faithful to him? Have faith and trust that he will guide you to what works for YOUR body type! Ask him to place people of knowledge in your path and he will! Once he gives you a plan-stick with it! Make it a lifestyle change!
Record what you hear from the spirit! The Holy Spirit is our internal compass!!!! Why are we NOT following what he shares w/ us! (I’m guilty of this to!!) Remember God does not make suggestions-he gives truth and commandments! The bible doesn’t say, I think you can do all things through me-it says, YOU CAN DO ALL THINGS THROUGH CHRIST WHO STRENGTHENS YOU. (that is the truth!)
So, take the time to rest, eat clean, lift hard and heavy and above all else-be prayerful! Give him praise! ASK FOR AN ANSWER AND HELP! DO NOT LET UP! Be fervent w/ your prayer!
*Be healthy, be blessed*
Monday, July 14, 2008
Do NOT be conformed
Do NOT be conformed to this world, but be transformed by the renewal of your mind
I’m going to take a verse from over 1000 years ago and put a health-minded, consciously fit twist on it.
I have a very strict eating plan because my ultimate goal is to do a figure competition. Competeing is NOT for the light at heart! A lot of times, diet plays a major roll in it!
I walk around work and there is ‘junk’ everywhere, from cookies to candy, to people ordering pizza and other stuff. Do I miss eating that stuff? Yes, at times I do! I love sweets! That has been my downfall!
It is NOT easy to eat clean all of the time! As a matter of fact, it’s so much harder to eat healthy then it is to fit in and eat junk. I have to prepare food daily and plan out meals, where as anyone else can grab a meal and go! However, I know that the quality of my food is much better then theirs! Yes, I would love to eat candy all day at my desk, but I know that I can’t. Why? Well, first off its just not healthy, 2nd of all-it’s just going to make me sick at the end of the day.
So-the verse:
Do not be conformed to this world, but be transformed by the renewal of your mind.
What this verse means to mean in this scenario is this: do NOT conform! Do not eat junk, just because everyone else does! Well, Sally eats candy all the time, so I do to! NO, let Sally eat her candy and you drink your shake! Do not be conformed to this world!!! Just because everyone is doing it, does NOT mean that it’s good for you! hell, a lot of people have unprotected sex and end up receiving a gift and then pass it along! Now, with that being said, are you going to go out and just engage in sexual activity w/ anyone unprotected, just because everyone is? I hope not, because if you do-you have another issue!
Be transformed by the renewal of your mind! Now, in a person’s spiritual life it means to read your bible, get a good Godly word, pray, mediate, etc. Now, in this lifestyle, how do you renew your mind? Here are a few ideas:
Read magazines and articles that will motivate you and encourage you, get on the scale and remember that you want to change the weight, read your goals, mediate on your goals, workout, etc.
By transforming your mind, you keep your goal in sight! It needs to be done daily! The reason for this is because it’s so easy to get lazy, tired, or just aggravated because you do NOT see results fast enough! I feel this way a lot! It’s a long hard journey! Trust me, I don’t always want to eat chicken or s.f. jello, or protein shakes-but I do it, because I want to try to get as close to my goal as I can! I do NOT want to be like everyone else. I want to stand apart from everyone. I would like to see my abs one day! Trust me, my abs won’t show if I continue down a road of junk food and neither will yours! I hate to tell you the bad news, but you can have the best workouts in the world, but if your eating is NOT where it should be-then neither will your results.
So, remember:
Do NOT be conformed to this world, but be transformed by the renewal of your mind
I’m going to take a verse from over 1000 years ago and put a health-minded, consciously fit twist on it.
I have a very strict eating plan because my ultimate goal is to do a figure competition. Competeing is NOT for the light at heart! A lot of times, diet plays a major roll in it!
I walk around work and there is ‘junk’ everywhere, from cookies to candy, to people ordering pizza and other stuff. Do I miss eating that stuff? Yes, at times I do! I love sweets! That has been my downfall!
It is NOT easy to eat clean all of the time! As a matter of fact, it’s so much harder to eat healthy then it is to fit in and eat junk. I have to prepare food daily and plan out meals, where as anyone else can grab a meal and go! However, I know that the quality of my food is much better then theirs! Yes, I would love to eat candy all day at my desk, but I know that I can’t. Why? Well, first off its just not healthy, 2nd of all-it’s just going to make me sick at the end of the day.
So-the verse:
Do not be conformed to this world, but be transformed by the renewal of your mind.
What this verse means to mean in this scenario is this: do NOT conform! Do not eat junk, just because everyone else does! Well, Sally eats candy all the time, so I do to! NO, let Sally eat her candy and you drink your shake! Do not be conformed to this world!!! Just because everyone is doing it, does NOT mean that it’s good for you! hell, a lot of people have unprotected sex and end up receiving a gift and then pass it along! Now, with that being said, are you going to go out and just engage in sexual activity w/ anyone unprotected, just because everyone is? I hope not, because if you do-you have another issue!
Be transformed by the renewal of your mind! Now, in a person’s spiritual life it means to read your bible, get a good Godly word, pray, mediate, etc. Now, in this lifestyle, how do you renew your mind? Here are a few ideas:
Read magazines and articles that will motivate you and encourage you, get on the scale and remember that you want to change the weight, read your goals, mediate on your goals, workout, etc.
By transforming your mind, you keep your goal in sight! It needs to be done daily! The reason for this is because it’s so easy to get lazy, tired, or just aggravated because you do NOT see results fast enough! I feel this way a lot! It’s a long hard journey! Trust me, I don’t always want to eat chicken or s.f. jello, or protein shakes-but I do it, because I want to try to get as close to my goal as I can! I do NOT want to be like everyone else. I want to stand apart from everyone. I would like to see my abs one day! Trust me, my abs won’t show if I continue down a road of junk food and neither will yours! I hate to tell you the bad news, but you can have the best workouts in the world, but if your eating is NOT where it should be-then neither will your results.
So, remember:
Do NOT be conformed to this world, but be transformed by the renewal of your mind
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